Sleeping

Last night when I went in to check on Lincoln before I went to bed (yes, I still have to check and make sure he's still breathing. It's a thing. Doubt I'll ever get over it), I hung out in his room staring at him sleeping for a while. As in, I hung over the side of the crib with my hand on his back, listening to him breathe, feeling his torso rise and fall and staring at his beautiful little face, marveling at how amazing he is.

I marvel at him often, but usually at night I look at him, check to make sure he's breathing and warm enough, and then beat a hasty retreat before he wakes up because he senses me in the room (this has happened before). But last night I just couldn't. I had to give in to my amazement at the wonder of him, which really means at the wonder of God. I mean, come on: Lincoln didn't used to exist!! And now he's a walking, talking little person. Wow.

Every day I marvel (and sometimes cry) at how quickly Lincoln grows and learns and changes. I think about how last year at this time he was just 3 months old! and could hardly lift his head. I think about how he loves to talk, walk and eat crackers, and how he couldn't do any of those things just a few short months ago.

And then I think about how quickly the last year has gone, and I want to cry even more thinking that all too soon, Lincoln won't be my little baby anymore. He'll be a boy, and then a man, and then I won't be able to protect him from the world. Even though I know that he has to face trouble and failure and challenges in order to develop into the man he will become.

Sigh. I want to cry just thinking about it.

Instead, I'll enjoy every single second of being Lincoln's mommy, even when he cries and throws his entire bowl of food on the floor because he wants brownies instead of grilled chicken!