We wish you a

Merry Christmas!

Lincoln wouldn't cooperate & put his Santa hat on, so that's the best we can do right now. :)

Pain

Last night Lincoln burned his finger on the electric griddle. This was after my millions of warnings that it was hot, moving the step stool away from it, him moving it back, etc. I looked at him just as he put his finger on it, and Oh. My. God--the look on his face as the pain hit him was something I'll never be able to forget. He started crying, I grabbed him and headed to the sink to run his finger under cold water.

Maybe it's because just a couple of months ago I plunged my hand into just-boiled water (forgetting it hadn't cooled yet) to grab a spoon and I remember VIVIDLY the ensuing half an hour of pain, crying and thinking I might just die that I felt Lincoln's pain so keenly. Maybe it's because I'm super-sensitive and emotional anyway. Maybe it's because I'm a mom, and I probably love my boys so much that my heart aches every day that I have to be at work away from them.

Regardless of the reason, it was all I could do to keep from freaking out as well. I didn't--I stayed stoic and as calm as possible, trying to sooth him and get him to calm down enough to be coherent. It seemed like he wailed forever, but he eventually calmed down and was able to eat, although he had a difficult time eating left-handed while keeping his right hand in a bowl of cold water!

He would occasionally start wailing again when burning in his finger flared , but would calm down after I hugged and kissed on him for a few minutes. It was after supper, when he thought about taking his finger out of the water so George could bandage it that he really melted down.

Eventually we got the bandaging done (it involved bribery with a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup) and even more hugs and Link determined he wasn't going to die, but would, in fact, be OK. Even after both boys were in bed, I didn't have a meltdown--I wanted to, but who has the time when there are eight thousand other things to be done???

But oh, my gosh. I feel Lincoln's pain so keenly that I can't imagine how I can go through years and years of watching my boys hurt, physically and emotionally. I'm just not strong enough for that! I've managed to get pretty stoic about my own pain, but theirs? It cuts me more than anything else in the world. I'm not sure I have the strengh to watch them get hurt, make mistakes, fall down and screw up over and over in the coming years; I'm just not that strong.

It was an exhausting, emotional night, and that was just a little burn on one finger! Imagine if it had been something worse...except, no, I can't start imagining worse because I WILL break down. All of the dangers, problems, temptations and evil in the world make my head spin, and if I think about it, Lincoln and Jackson will never leave the house!

Miss Kathy, my old Sunday School teacher, commented on Facebook that God starts mothers out comforting and healing the little hurts to ease us in to comforting the healing the bigger hurts that are down the road. She is so wise, and that totally makes sense.

Still. I'm not sure I can handle the big hurts.

Are you listening, God? Charmed, safe, full lives for my children, would be GREAT.

I know this is every mother's prayer. I know every mother hurts almost beyond words when her children hurt. I know my love for the boys is not in any way unique. It's just that this is the first time I've really experienced such major pain in one of my kids (colds and skinned knees don't have the same effect!). Lincoln is fine--he is already recovering and will be fascinated when the blister falls off. He'll forget about it completely in a few months, although let's hope he doesn't forget the lesson of never touching a hot surface.

But learning lessons is painful, and I never realized how painful it would be for me as well as my boys.

Still, I wouldn't trade being a mommy for anything.